Information about Teen Dating Violence
How to Reduce the Risk of Dating Violence
How to End an Unhealthy Relationship
What You Can Do to Keep Yourself Safe
Information
about Teen Dating Violence:
Dating
violence is very common.
It
happens mainly to women.
Types
of dating violence include:
1.
Abusive
tactics- lies,
broken promises, withholding affection, extreme jealousy, insults, putdowns,
threats, and controlling behaviors
2.
Physical
abuse-
punching, kicking, shaking, slapping, physically restraining, using a weapon,
and unwanted touching
3.
Sexual
abuse- forced sexual contact from kissing to intercourse and sexual
comments.
Abuse
is never the victim’s fault.
There is often a pattern that leads up to the abuse. There are some warning signs to look for to identify abusive behavior.
How
to Reduce the Risk of Dating Violence:
Communicate clearly with the other person. Make sure they know that you will not tolerate any abuse. Also let them know your boundaries, especially sexual boundaries, before a situation may arise.
Stay
in control
of yourself. Stay away from alcohol
and drugs so that you do not become vulnerable.
Make sure that you have your own way home in case you need it. Also, always make sure that you have change for a pay phone
in case you need it.
Trust
your instincts. If you have a concern or just don’t feel right about a
person or situation, get away. You
do not want to put yourself in a situation that you do not feel comfortable
with. You also do not want to be
with someone you have a bad feeling about.
Be
picky about who you date. Make sure you pay attention to little things about them.
Some of the things that you should watch out for are putting others down,
using alcohol or drugs, always wanting to be in control, having angry outbursts,
becoming extremely jealous, using physical force on others, driving recklessly,
and drinking and driving. If you
are going to date, you deserve to be with a person who is going to respect you
and who you can have a healthy relationship with.
Avoid
being in isolated places,
especially when you do not know the other person well.
Make sure that others are around in case you begin to feel uncomfortable
or unsafe.
How
to End an Unhealthy Relationship:
1.
Believe
in yourself. Know that you deserve
to be with someone who will respect you. Know
what your feelings are and go along with them.
2.
Get
help. This may include receiving medical attention, contacting law
enforcement, talking to a friend or someone working in the domestic abuse field,
and counseling. Law enforcement,
friends, and those working in the domestic abuse field will listen, inform you
of options that you have, and will help you contact other resources for help.
Going into counseling will give you someone to talk to that can help you
to deal with your feelings.
3.
Get
out. When you get out of an abusive relationship, do what you can
to keep yourself safe. Stay away
from the abuser, talk to people who can help you, do not go places alone, and be
aware of your surroundings.
What You Can Do to Keep Yourself Safe:
At home:
 |
Make sure he does not have keys to your house or vehicle. If he does, work with your parents to change these locks. |
|
Change phone numbers if you are receiving harassing, prank, or hang-up phone calls. Only give this number out to people that you trust. |
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Check all lighting, smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, and security systems in the house. If more lighting is needed, add some (especially outside). |
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Let your parents know where you are, who you are with, and how to get a hold of you at all times. |
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Get a cell phone, so that you can call for help at any time and in any place, and so your family can get a hold of you when needed. |
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If you can not afford a cell phone, bring $.50 with you for a pay phone. |
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Don’t leave the house by yourself or you can have somebody walk out to the car with you. |
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If you are home alone, lock all of the doors and keep a phone close to you. Also, make your neighbors aware that you are alone. |
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Ask neighbors to keep an eye on your house at all times, especially if you are not there. |
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Make up a list of names and phone numbers of people who can help you (including family, friends, neighbors, your local shelter or battered woman’s program, emergency numbers, etc). |
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Know the best way to get away from the abuser in any situation. Plan a safe escape route in any place that you are in (do not escape into kitchens or places with harmful objects). |
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Make sure law enforcement is aware of what is happening. |
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Come up with a signal for you and your parents so that if something happens, the other person knows to go to a neighbors and get help. An example of this could be having the outside light on during the day. |
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If necessary, change any bank information. |
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Change email addresses, and keep any harassing or threatening emails. These can be used for a Harassment Order and for an Order for Protection. |
At school:
|
Talk to your principle, counselors, bus drivers, and teachers. Let them know what is going on so that they are aware of any strange activity throughout the school. |
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Do not go into dark corners of the school. |
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Do not go into locker rooms, bathrooms, or other empty places alone. |
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If you’re walking home from school, don’t walk alone and/or walk the same way everyday so that family and friends know where to find you. |
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If the abuser knows the route that you walk home, change it and inform family and friends. |
When out with friends:
|
Make sure that you are with people that you can trust, and that are willing to help you. |
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Make sure that your friends are with you at all times. Do not go anywhere alone. |
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Be aware of your surroundings at all times. If something doesn’t seem right, get help. |
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Don’t use substances that are going to decrease your awareness or that will make you more vulnerable. |
Other resources:
|
Obtain an Order for Protection or a Harassment Order. |
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Call the police for help whenever an incident occurs with the abuser. |
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Know what resources are available to help you throughout the community. Examples of these include Advocates for Family Peace and the Itasca Alliance Against Sexual Assault. |
Contact
Advocates for Family Peace for assistance at:
218-326-0388
1-800-909-8336
or after hours
at: 1-800-442-8565